To all of you Wonderfully Made Women out there no matter the age, no matter the shattered longings and dreams, I want to encourage you! This is also for anyone that has shattered dreams and desires due to bad reports, long waiting times and the reality of natural circumstances. This post focusses on women whose dreams of having a baby have been shattered, delayed and otherwise forgotten as not. However to all, no matter the dream, the desire, the vision…..the waiting….let this encourage you that God is still on the throne and His timing is perfect. He didn’t overlook the longings of your heart nor was He sleeping as you soaked your pillow with tears from the brokeness of your heart night after night and year after years.
When I was a little girl from the age of seven on, all I ever wanted was to grow up, get married and have babies. That was my dream and the desire of my heart! I met my husband my freshman year in highschool and we fell fast in love and somehow we knew that we were meant to be and would be together forever!! This only increased my desire for BABIES!! While all of my friends were planning their future for college and careers, I wanted nothing to do with it because I had the dream of getting married and having babies!
By the time I graduated at age 17, I just wanted to hurry up and get through graduation in May and my 18th birthday in June so that I could put all of my focus on planning our wedding. After I turned 18 we set the wedding for October 3rd. My dream come true was right around the corner and we were both ecstatic!!
I cannot tell you because there just are not enough words about how completely devastating and heart wrenching the following 10 years were……. NO BABIES!!! As five years of waiting came to pass, so did the dream. In spite of all of our praying and crying out to the Lord and all the tear soaked pillows, the shattered dream and our shattered hearts, we finally accepted that our dream of babies wasn’t meant to be and we moved on with our lives.
But don’t you know that God ALWAYS has the last word over everything in the universe! On year number ten, out of the clear blue sky, as I was just going along and living my no baby life, God gave me a vision – it was my first vision ever – and in that vision I was standing in an older Victorian home in Victorian village and I was holding my baby. I say I was holding my baby because this home was in an area of town that I would not drive through much less live in. The street out front was narrow with cars lining both sides. The homes were very close together and the area was very run down. As I looked down at this baby in my arms, I didn’t look at it as though it was just anyone’s baby, but I looked at it as though it was mine and I felt so much love for this baby….a love I had never felt or known before! I just knew that God was telling me that I would indeed have a baby. What I didn’t know or draw from the vision is how God was going to bless me with this wonderful baby. I felt confident that after 10 years of trying to no avail then our baby would come by way of adoption or foster care or maybe even mothering someone elses baby that needed a helping hand. Either way, and any possible way, I was more than happy and thrilled to just have a baby even if it was temporary.
Now, my husband and I didn’t try all the medical interventions such as fertility treatments, invetro, surrogate options, or surgeries, we didn’t even seek testing or advice about why we weren’t able to make a baby. We felt that if God wanted us to make babies then a house full of babies we would have. So, with the vision that God gave me, I believed that He would indeed send us a baby and I was absolutely thrilled!! My wildest imaginations could not prepare me for what came two years later!
Are you ready for this?? Two years and 2 weeks after the vision and 12 years after My husband and I were married, I gave birth to a very healthy and perfect 9 pound baby GIRL!!!! Yes, that’s right, a MIRACLE baby….. delivered in God’s perfect timing!!!! And that’s only half of it. 3 years and 12 days later, I gave birth to a very healthy seven and a half pound baby boy!! Our second miracle baby…..delivered in God’s perfect timing!!!
Here is the thing. In those early years of yearning for our babies before we gave up on the dream all together, we settled in our hearts that if God would give us two babies instead of a bunch of babies we would be happy. We asked for a healthy baby girl and a healthy baby boy. Although our desire was to make our babies together, we came to the place that we were willing to take whatever God would send.
But God in His all-knowing, all-seeing and all loving perfect timing, gave us our hearts desires in no less than a MIRACULOUS way!! HE is the GREAT WAY MAKER!! He makes the Way when there is no human possibility of a way!!
I don’t know what you are waiting on, how long you have waited on it or how impossible the circumstances are. I don’t know what your medical report says or doesn’t say. I don’t know the brokeness of your heart or how many millions of tears you have shed in the waiting or in the giving up. What I do know is, God is bigger than your deepest sorrows, your broken heart, your missed and dead dreams. He is even bigger than your giving up. He makes a way where there is no way. He resurrects dead dreams, dead wombs and dead hope. He takes your nothing and makes it into something spectacular! If it doesn’t happen in the normal scheme of things, He makes it happen through miracles. But in so doing it is always in His perfect timing – not ours. God knows everything about you and He knows the exact hour and second that is the best for you. God does give us the desires of our hearts in His perfect and all-knowing timing and love.
I do understand why my babies took so long coming to me and that is for another post. I pray with all my heart that you are encouraged and comforted by this post and that all of your dreams and desires come to you in God’s perfect timing and that you have no sorrow or heartaches while you wait. Be so very blessed and loved as you wait on The Way Maker to make your way straight and resurrects your life, dreams and hope!
Bless you all,