Tag Archive | hope

Lost N Found, What A Difference You Made In My Life

John 16:23

In that day you will no longer ask me anything. Very truly I tell you,

my Father will give you whatever you ask in my name.

Have you ever been just going along living the blessed life when suddenly if there was the slightest crack in your foundation you seemed to fall in it and get stuck there a while? Well, I hear ya!

I had some crater cracks that were very visible to me and boy let me tell you, I was diligent to the task of closing those gaps and being set free! On the other hand I had so many hair-line cracks that I didn’t see them with the naked eye, or even a telescopic eye!  Those were the cracks that swallowed me up and held me captive for two long years. I prayed, cried, screamed, kicked and begged for relief, for answers, for deliverance and freedom. God sent none which equals no – one. At least not in the way that I thought it or they should come. Yes, you know where I am going with this one already but please read on.

Now, prior to me falling into the cracks and getting wedged there for what seems like an eternity, a mini forever at the very least, my heart was on fire for God. I don’t mean a itty bitty let’s warm our hands by the fire kind of fire. I mean an all-consuming fire that consumed me night and day! I would become so overwhelmed and I would weep and cry out to God, “Lord, take me and my life and do something good with it!” That kind of fire moves the hand of God instantly. I became an instant crack dweller as God began to make my life and way unrecognizable.

John 16:23  In that day you will no longer ask me anything. Very truly I tell you, my Father will give you whatever you ask in my name.

I stayed in the cracks as God began to show me the not so pleasing aroma of the secret places of my heart.  Day by day, hour by hour and often times minute by minute the Lord undid the doing…… as I kicked, screamed and pouted because in my eyes, I was going backwards and getting further and further away from my life ever being usable for something or anything good.  My dream and the yearning of my heart was now way off in the distance and I could not see it ever being good or doing good again!

everything happens for a reason

The past two years have been a mix of the book of Job and the Exodus.  Disaster after disaster sending me running for my life in terror screaming “Lord, I believe but help me with my unbelief!!!”  I don’t know how many times I thought of turning my ship around and going back to the safe blessed life before I asked God to take my life and do something good with it.  Because a request like that will undoubtedly turn you inside out.  A request like that will cause a complete and total make over.  A request like that will require a complete and total heart transplant.  That is what I got.


You see, I wanted to do good and be a blessing but I wanted to do it within my own terms and my way.  I wanted to love the lovely and not be bothered by the unlovely.  I wanted to feed the hungry but only if they were hungry because of an unforeseen life event or trauma.  I didn’t want to get close to the hungry that just came out of prison, or that had a horrific drug problem that they couldn’t conquer or a drinking problem that they couldn’t overcome or the one’s that kept making the same mistakes over and over and over again.  I didn’t want to help the people who were a product of their environment and come with baggage.  I didn’t want to be around manipulators and thief’s.  I wanted to help but I didn’t want the mess.  I wanted to reach out but not if there was a stench or the least possible chance of an inconvenience or trouble.  I wanted my cake and I wanted to eat it too with no hassle and no mess.  The ridiculous thing is that I didn’t see the rottenness of my heart until the Lord turned my heart inside out!


I didn’t get new eyes to see and new ears to hear until all the things and circumstances that I didn’t want touching my life came to visit and stayed with me for the longest and most excruciating two years of my life!  I will never be the same.  I don’t want to be the same.  I don’t want to be that person ever again that only does the glory work.  I want to be with and grow up with the one’s at the bottom, with the ones that need a second chance from the God of second chances. I want to look back some day and say “God, we made a difference in that one’s life, we gave some hope, some love and a way for a better life, we did it You and me!!

God did exactly what I asked Him to do.  He took my life and day by day He is doing something good with it!

O Lord, What a difference you’ve made in my life!!  Now I am willing and able to make a difference in other’s lives!!

All images taken from bing.com images


Waiting On The Great Way Maker

To all of you Wonderfully Made Women out there no matter the age, no matter the shattered longings and dreams, I want to encourage you!  This is also for anyone that has shattered dreams and desires due to bad reports, long waiting times and the reality of natural circumstances.  This post focusses on women whose dreams of having a baby have been shattered, delayed and otherwise forgotten as not.  However to all, no matter the dream, the desire, the vision…..the waiting….let this encourage you that God is still on the throne and His timing is perfect.  He didn’t overlook the longings of your heart nor was He sleeping as you soaked your pillow with tears from the brokeness of your heart night after night and year after years.

When I was a little girl from the age of seven on, all I ever wanted was to grow up, get married and have babies.  That was my dream and the desire of my heart!  I met my husband my freshman year in highschool and we fell fast in love and somehow we knew that we were meant to be and would be together forever!!  This only increased my desire for BABIES!!  While all of my friends were planning their future for college and careers, I wanted nothing to do with it because I had the dream of getting married and having babies!

By the time I graduated at age 17, I just wanted to hurry up and get through graduation in May and my 18th birthday in June so that I could put all of my focus on planning our wedding.  After I turned 18 we set the wedding for October 3rd.  My dream come true was right around the corner and we were both ecstatic!!

I cannot tell you because there just are not enough words about how completely devastating and heart wrenching the following 10 years were……. NO BABIES!!!  As five years of waiting came to pass, so did the dream.  In spite of all of our praying and crying out to the Lord and all the tear soaked pillows, the shattered dream and our shattered hearts, we finally accepted that our dream of babies wasn’t meant to be and we moved on with our lives.

But don’t you know that God ALWAYS has the last  word over everything in the universe!  On year number ten, out of the clear blue sky, as I was just going along and living my no baby life, God gave me a vision – it was my first vision ever  – and in that vision I was standing in an older Victorian home in Victorian village and I was holding my baby.  I say I was holding my baby because this home was in an area of town that I would not drive through much less live in.  The street out front was narrow with cars lining both sides.  The homes were very close together and the area was very run down.  As I looked down at this baby in my arms, I didn’t look at it as though it was just anyone’s baby, but I looked at it as though it was mine and I felt so much love for this baby….a love I had never felt or known before!  I just knew that God was telling me that I would indeed have a baby.  What I didn’t know or draw from the vision is how God was going to bless me with this wonderful baby.  I felt confident that after 10 years of trying to no avail then our baby would come by way of adoption or foster care or maybe even mothering someone elses baby that needed a helping hand.  Either way, and any possible way, I was more than happy and thrilled to just have a baby even if it was temporary.

Now, my husband and I didn’t try all the medical interventions such as fertility treatments, invetro, surrogate options, or surgeries, we didn’t even seek testing or advice about why we weren’t able to make a baby.  We felt that if God wanted us to make babies then a house full of babies we would have.  So, with the vision that God gave me, I believed that He would indeed send us a baby and I was absolutely thrilled!!  My wildest imaginations could not prepare me for what came two years later!

Are you ready for this??  Two years and 2 weeks after the vision and 12 years after My husband and I were married, I gave birth to a very healthy and perfect 9 pound baby GIRL!!!! Yes, that’s right, a MIRACLE baby….. delivered in God’s perfect timing!!!!  And that’s only half of it.  3 years and 12 days later, I gave birth to a very healthy seven and a half pound baby boy!!  Our second miracle baby…..delivered in God’s perfect timing!!!

Here is the thing.  In those early years of yearning for our babies before we gave up on the dream all together, we settled in our hearts that if God would give us two babies instead of a bunch of babies we would be happy.  We asked for a healthy baby girl and a healthy baby boy. Although our desire was to make our babies together, we came to the place that we were willing to take whatever God would send.

But God in His all-knowing, all-seeing and all loving perfect timing, gave us our hearts desires in no less than a MIRACULOUS way!!   HE is the GREAT WAY MAKER!!  He makes the Way when there is no human possibility of a way!!

I don’t know what you are waiting on, how long you have waited on it or how impossible the circumstances are.  I don’t know what your medical report says or doesn’t say.  I don’t know the brokeness of your heart or how many millions of tears you have shed in the waiting or in the giving up.  What I do know is, God is bigger than your deepest sorrows, your broken heart, your missed and dead dreams.  He is even bigger than your giving up.  He makes a way where there is no way.  He resurrects dead dreams, dead wombs and dead hope.  He takes your nothing and makes it into something spectacular!  If it doesn’t happen in the normal scheme of things, He makes it happen through miracles.  But in so doing it is always in His perfect timing – not ours.  God knows everything about you and He knows the exact hour and second that is the best for you.  God does give us the desires of our hearts in His perfect and all-knowing timing and love.

I do understand why my babies took so long coming to me and that is for another post.  I pray with all my heart that you are encouraged and comforted by this post and that all of your dreams and desires come to you in God’s perfect timing and that you have no sorrow or heartaches while you wait.  Be so very blessed and loved as you wait on The Way Maker  to make your way straight and resurrects your life, dreams and hope!

Bless you all,