In that day you will no longer ask me anything. Very truly I tell you,
my Father will give you whatever you ask in my name.
Have you ever been just going along living the blessed life when suddenly if there was the slightest crack in your foundation you seemed to fall in it and get stuck there a while? Well, I hear ya!
I had some crater cracks that were very visible to me and boy let me tell you, I was diligent to the task of closing those gaps and being set free! On the other hand I had so many hair-line cracks that I didn’t see them with the naked eye, or even a telescopic eye! Those were the cracks that swallowed me up and held me captive for two long years. I prayed, cried, screamed, kicked and begged for relief, for answers, for deliverance and freedom. God sent none which equals no – one. At least not in the way that I thought it or they should come. Yes, you know where I am going with this one already but please read on.
Now, prior to me falling into the cracks and getting wedged there for what seems like an eternity, a mini forever at the very least, my heart was on fire for God. I don’t mean a itty bitty let’s warm our hands by the fire kind of fire. I mean an all-consuming fire that consumed me night and day! I would become so overwhelmed and I would weep and cry out to God, “Lord, take me and my life and do something good with it!” That kind of fire moves the hand of God instantly. I became an instant crack dweller as God began to make my life and way unrecognizable.
I stayed in the cracks as God began to show me the not so pleasing aroma of the secret places of my heart. Day by day, hour by hour and often times minute by minute the Lord undid the doing…… as I kicked, screamed and pouted because in my eyes, I was going backwards and getting further and further away from my life ever being usable for something or anything good. My dream and the yearning of my heart was now way off in the distance and I could not see it ever being good or doing good again!
The past two years have been a mix of the book of Job and the Exodus. Disaster after disaster sending me running for my life in terror screaming “Lord, I believe but help me with my unbelief!!!” I don’t know how many times I thought of turning my ship around and going back to the safe blessed life before I asked God to take my life and do something good with it. Because a request like that will undoubtedly turn you inside out. A request like that will cause a complete and total make over. A request like that will require a complete and total heart transplant. That is what I got.
You see, I wanted to do good and be a blessing but I wanted to do it within my own terms and my way. I wanted to love the lovely and not be bothered by the unlovely. I wanted to feed the hungry but only if they were hungry because of an unforeseen life event or trauma. I didn’t want to get close to the hungry that just came out of prison, or that had a horrific drug problem that they couldn’t conquer or a drinking problem that they couldn’t overcome or the one’s that kept making the same mistakes over and over and over again. I didn’t want to help the people who were a product of their environment and come with baggage. I didn’t want to be around manipulators and thief’s. I wanted to help but I didn’t want the mess. I wanted to reach out but not if there was a stench or the least possible chance of an inconvenience or trouble. I wanted my cake and I wanted to eat it too with no hassle and no mess. The ridiculous thing is that I didn’t see the rottenness of my heart until the Lord turned my heart inside out!
I didn’t get new eyes to see and new ears to hear until all the things and circumstances that I didn’t want touching my life came to visit and stayed with me for the longest and most excruciating two years of my life! I will never be the same. I don’t want to be the same. I don’t want to be that person ever again that only does the glory work. I want to be with and grow up with the one’s at the bottom, with the ones that need a second chance from the God of second chances. I want to look back some day and say “God, we made a difference in that one’s life, we gave some hope, some love and a way for a better life, we did it You and me!!
God did exactly what I asked Him to do. He took my life and day by day He is doing something good with it!
O Lord, What a difference you’ve made in my life!! Now I am willing and able to make a difference in other’s lives!!
All images taken from bing.com images